F$%DBACK!!!
The other day I received a phone call from a member of my team. This person reports to me and is a front line leader based at another location than where I am. She has worked with our company for about 8 months and comes with over 20 years of industry experience. I really enjoy her and wish that we didn't have geography between us, due to these distance obstacles she tends to liaise more with my leader, which is perfectly fine. Back to the phone call, she said "I was hoping to chat with you about something...", "ok, I am all ears" I said. She shared with me that she felt I had not been a fan of her and perhaps that I didn't feel that she was capable of doing her job to my satisfaction, she finished with her sentiment that she had really enjoyed working with me this past week and that she thought I was very good at what I do. Gulp... When she finished telling me how she felt, I offered my apology and told her that I did feel she was very much capable of doing her job and a valued member of the team. I continued with my thanks to her, I told her she was courageous and I was very grateful she was able to speak so candidly with me.
Now, were her feelings correct? It doesn't matter, that is how she felt and I own that. Did I love hearing that I had caused someone to feel that way? absolutely not, but this valued employee had essentially saved our working relationship. How much damage could have been done if she continued on feeling that way? I am guessing down the road a shocking and sudden "blow up" would have occurred that would have left both of our heads spinning, or worse.
The fact is, I needed to hear that. Now, I am aware and armed with the knowledge that I have to be better. I need to ensure that I meet her needs or support, openness and communication. After I told her how grateful and proud I was of her for speaking up I told her that I expect to hear if I am ever causing her to feel that way again and that I would also be checking in on her to see how we were doing with our communication.
What is the first thing you think of when someone says, "we need to talk", "can we have a moment?", "I have some feedback for you...". Are you suddenly gripped with gut turning fear? Perhaps not, but I am certain you are like most people and you are at the very least thinking "ok.... here we go".
So, why does this happen? why are we so afraid of feedback? Some common reasons that I have come to realize are all based on fear, fear of an emotional reaction, fear of the unknown, fear of feeling picked on. I think that as a society our environment has brought us to an apex of emotion. We don't want to hear what we are not doing well, but we demand to hear what we are doing right.
I hear often, "these millennials" or "what is with the entitlement these days". I often ask, "what would you say to the person(s) that make you feel this way if it were easy and you could just say what you felt?". I actually get some great responses and feedback and it makes me wonder, "what would your life be like if you just said what you were thinking?".
As my story above shares, it is the conversations we have, or do not have that define the relationships in our lives. How long have you lived in turmoil not saying the thing that you desperately wanted to say, what was the cost of that relationship?
Be brave, have the conversation, say what is bothering you. I promise that your relationships will be more authentic and far less stressful. If you are on the listening side of this conversation. Do just that, shut out your own inner voice and listen, and I mean actually listen. No interruptions or cutting off, just listen.
Until next time,
Jeff
Now, were her feelings correct? It doesn't matter, that is how she felt and I own that. Did I love hearing that I had caused someone to feel that way? absolutely not, but this valued employee had essentially saved our working relationship. How much damage could have been done if she continued on feeling that way? I am guessing down the road a shocking and sudden "blow up" would have occurred that would have left both of our heads spinning, or worse.
The fact is, I needed to hear that. Now, I am aware and armed with the knowledge that I have to be better. I need to ensure that I meet her needs or support, openness and communication. After I told her how grateful and proud I was of her for speaking up I told her that I expect to hear if I am ever causing her to feel that way again and that I would also be checking in on her to see how we were doing with our communication.
What is the first thing you think of when someone says, "we need to talk", "can we have a moment?", "I have some feedback for you...". Are you suddenly gripped with gut turning fear? Perhaps not, but I am certain you are like most people and you are at the very least thinking "ok.... here we go".
So, why does this happen? why are we so afraid of feedback? Some common reasons that I have come to realize are all based on fear, fear of an emotional reaction, fear of the unknown, fear of feeling picked on. I think that as a society our environment has brought us to an apex of emotion. We don't want to hear what we are not doing well, but we demand to hear what we are doing right.
I hear often, "these millennials" or "what is with the entitlement these days". I often ask, "what would you say to the person(s) that make you feel this way if it were easy and you could just say what you felt?". I actually get some great responses and feedback and it makes me wonder, "what would your life be like if you just said what you were thinking?".
As my story above shares, it is the conversations we have, or do not have that define the relationships in our lives. How long have you lived in turmoil not saying the thing that you desperately wanted to say, what was the cost of that relationship?
Be brave, have the conversation, say what is bothering you. I promise that your relationships will be more authentic and far less stressful. If you are on the listening side of this conversation. Do just that, shut out your own inner voice and listen, and I mean actually listen. No interruptions or cutting off, just listen.
Until next time,
Jeff
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